GingerVision

Double gingervision in 2012 and no resolutions

2012-01-08T15:39:00.003-05:00

Something wonderful has happened. After so much time on this earth as the kind of ginger who could never quite find an exact match, it seems I've met my gingerdouble, to the degree of about 99.894% hair matchability. Her name is Shannon, and I was lucky enough to host her and her boyfriend and my pal Ahmed for New Year's weekend. See below, and just ignore the Brian and Bryan because although they are nice, this isn't about them. Let's stay focused.

For non-gingers, you might not understand what it's like to wander, lost and alone, catching the eye of an occasional stranger ginger as you each silently assess the other's hue. I didn't know I needed a ginger doppelganger until now— after all, I have familial gingers and other gingerpals to lean on. Like Mike! Who graciously posed for a tri-gingersnap.

But, to get back to the all-important point, except for a slightly brighter tone to Shannon's locks, we've decided we are a gingermatch and therefore must be exactly alike in all other respects. Even if that last part isn't true, it's provided a comfort to both of us to know the other exists. If you don't believe me, just ask any of the many friends we inflicted our not-exciting-to-anyone-else story upon.

Also yes, it's 2012 now, oh wow how the time passes and let's remember the mistakes of the past and auld lang syne, won't forget you and all of that blather. I have no resolutions, I think I'd just like to try being for a bit and see what comes out of that.

(But really, we're priceless.)

2011-11-15T18:29:00.001-05:00

Apparently, this is how much a ginger nephew costs.

Ginger on ginger creeping

2011-11-02T16:27:00.000-04:00

I didn't know Ron Weasley/Rupert Grint had it in him, but here he goes (spoiler alert!) portraying a very unique aspect of gingerness — extreme ginger-on-ginger love. Creepy awesome? Yes. Or just mostly creepy.

Just a couple'a gingers

2011-11-02T11:18:00.000-04:00

Oh, hello there, Jerry Stiller, aka comedy icon and father of Ben. Would you like to take a picture with me as a fellow ginger*? Would you like me to smile as if I've been imbibing for days instead of a mere hour? DONE AND DONE.

*Big thanks to stalwart pals Jeff and Dylan for insisting this had to happen and for asking Jerry because I was just too embarrassed to do it myself.

Tri-decade completion

2011-10-28T11:59:00.000-04:00

Happy birthday, to me. It's happy because I'm alive, and because a ridiculous amount of people love me. I'm so lucky it makes me want to burst apart at the seams into ribbons of joyous confetti and heart bubbles and all sorts of cartoon-like expressions of happiness. I don't feel 30, I feel like myself and I would still appreciate a hat like the one I wore on my fifth birthday.

Thank you, friends and family, for covering me in loving wishes and for making me who I am today. Listen! I mean it! I'm grateful. Here's to another 30, and more birthday hats.

Pet Peevin' #3: BRINGIN' IT BACK, y'all.

2011-10-27T16:04:00.001-04:00

Whoa, did you say throwback? Yeah, I know you didn't, but as I was perusing past blog posts (yes, I read my own blog when I'm feeling you know, whatever), I found two posts titled Pet Peevin #1 and #2. These consisted of a list of absolutely no doubt hilarious truths about the world, in the form of an IM conversation (c. 2009) about pet peeves with the prettiest Heidi there ever was. Heidi F., duh. We had at least 100 and I only posted about 20 of them, so... BRINGIN' IT BACK.

21.) people who use nauseous instead of nauseated (although some of them may indeed be nauseous, causing me to become nauseated)
22.) roommates who grow monster cocks
23.) vision boards that do not include Ty Pennington
24.) that commercial where mucus are personified and have baseball hats and couches
and they say they're moving in
25.) gmail ads that can read your emails and suggests spam recipes
26.) patchy facial hair to cover up paunchy faces
27.) Crocs with fur
28.) oh I guess just Crocs
29.) when you try and be funny and put a fake Buckeyes tattoo above your real tattoo and take hours in teh mirror to make sure you have it centered and right, but then it ends up being upside down
30.) people who do not have tramp stamps
31.) people who think it's still a new joke to make fun of tramp stamps

Doesn't have to be ginge all the time

2011-10-27T15:08:00.001-04:00

I love other, non-ginger people/things/events. Like this!

Hit me with that ginger balm, friend.

2011-10-25T13:04:00.000-04:00

Listen, gingerbuddies, I could spend all day fussing, worrying, aching, hoping, pining, regretting and all around being a scatter-brained noodle head, and I mostly do. Sometimes there's a temporary balm, in the form of art produced by others that so soothingly covers the hurt spots and fills the holes, that I just can't help but want to share it and yell about it and generally act more fussy about it.

Just so happens that one of my absolute favorite heartbalms is the lovely and talented ginger Glen Hansard. Man, he sings it to your soul and plays it on down into your mind, emirate? I AM RIGHT! And he's a real person, like you and me, who just needs some balm himself. So, listen. Bask in the balm. That's all.

Will Arnett knows how to do ginger humor

2011-10-12T11:30:00.000-04:00

Joking about gingers, as long as you're not the unfunny and soulless Chelsea Handler, can be terrifically funny. Case in point! Will Arnett has the comedic chops to not only tease gingers in front of Conan O'Brien, but he's also making fun of his own kid. Good parenting and good joking, and I'm not being sarcastic. His son will grow up being like, yeah, bitches, I'm a ginger, and it's FUNNY so ha.

Humor is the best defense and offense, amirite? Anyway I want to hug Will Arnett.

*Thanks to my darling pal Ahmed for the tip!

Declaring Ginger War on Denmark

2011-09-19T11:45:00.002-04:00

STFU, DENMARK! You don't want any more ginger sperm at your sperm banks? Guess what? I don't want any more Hamlet or pastries. Get outta my gingerface before I not so gingerly smack you in your gingerhating schnoz.

In case you didn't know, people at large, gingers are going to be exinct some terrible brunette-dominated day, just by virtue of our recessive genetic markers. You'd think the world would want to propagate, not exterminate, our little swimmers trying to make their way (and ginger babies) in the world.

Thanks to all my gingerloving friends who alerted me to this terribly discriminatory story (ooh, that rhymes!).

Boycott Danish sperm banks, y'all!

Even faux gingers love being ginger

2011-07-26T14:36:00.000-04:00

Take a lesson from the lovely and delightful Emma Stone. It's good to be a ginger! Especially when you're famous and you get to make out with half-naked Ryan Gosling in movies but we can't allll be that lucky even if some of us actually are gingers but no matter! She's pretty. Added bonus — gingers are less bitchy and funnier than blondes. No judgment! Just sayin'.

Ron Weasley 4EVA: Keep calm and ginger on

2011-07-12T18:10:00.001-04:00

This guy's got the right idea. In any situation, whether when faced with insurmountable odds a la Voldemort, or if you can't decide which girl to date or who your true love is, just repeat to yourself, "Keep calm and ginger on." Just like Ronny Weasley/Rupert Grint.

*Via The Leaky Galleries, and thanks to my pal Em for the link!

Yeah, that's right — even the POTUS loves gingers.

2011-06-21T16:26:00.006-04:00

How convenient! It just so happens that Pres. Barry Obama was visiting Dublin and they found an adorable ginger child for him to make pals with in front of all those cameras.

As far as ginger endorsements go, this one is pretty much awesome.

Thanks to the lovely Amanda of Keeping ~~Austin~~ Dallas Weird, who it must be said, is going totally rosy for gingers these days.

Posting videos is easier than writing

2011-06-07T15:19:00.002-04:00

Clickety clack, that's me typing just enough to tell you that Glen Hansard is still lovely and yes in fact I did see him play a solo show a few weeks ago in NYC at the Metropolitan Museum of Art's Temple of Dendur. All that typing has now exhausted me. Enjoy.

Enough said.

2011-05-12T15:10:00.000-04:00

From this delightful artist, Danielle Furman, who must know what is inside my heart. Also, my birthday is in October, FYI.

*Thanks to the lovely Jane for sending to me!

And now, in non world events news

2011-05-02T11:32:00.000-04:00

Half Acre's GingerTwin is back! Just in time for me to go to Chicago this weekend. It's DESTINY that this beer and I should be reunited again, one year after it first met my lips.

The best news is that as someone with "god-given red hair" I will get the beer for 8% off. Yeah, that's right. Be jealous.

Here I am with Josh Ritter's gingerbeard

2011-04-11T14:11:00.002-04:00

Hi and hello. Okay so I am not here with Josh, in the sense that he is here on my blog and now so am I, after another lengthy absence, the likes of which are not unheard of in blogospherical realms where people who write silly things for fun often get busy with real life and all its unfunness.

Anyhoozle poodles, Josh Ritter is fantastic and ruddy and sings in a lovely manner, so get to it.

Happy Kiss a Ginger Day

2011-03-17T16:43:00.001-04:00

Happy St. Patrick's Day.

Here's a ginger dog that costs a few million yuan, aka "Big Splash," a Red Tibetan Mastiff.

You're welcome, don't drink too much, unless it leads to something that amuses me.

Get over it, Chelsea Handler

2011-03-04T15:09:00.003-05:00

Maybe if Chelsea Handler was actually funny and not just cruel and unhappy over how plastic she's become in a sad effort to stay relevant in L.A., she wouldn't find the need to go yapping on to Conan O'Brien about her dislike of redheads. Some poor kid is going to see this and be like "omg my carpet DOES match my drapes and now I will never do it with anyone because they'll run away like Chelsea Handler, who dyes her hair and so doesn't understand the concept."

"I had sex with one redhead one time and it was very disturbing what I saw," she told Conan. "It wasn't like your kind of red hair, it was crazy curly out of cotnrol red hair that traveled different directions on his body."

Conan looked a little confused as to why this unfunny tightfaced lady was dissing him to his face, but at least had the grace to respond, "Some people think that's cool! It's biblical! It's like it's on fire!"

Beyond her blatant gingerism, I honestly just think her jokes consist of, "I'm mean! I don't care if you think I'm mean! I say mean things about people to their faces and it's funny because it's soooo mean, get it? Ha!"

Witness the hate around the 4-minute mark, and thanks to my darling brunette Meghan for always keeping an eye out for gingerness!

Ginger promotion at its best

2011-03-02T15:50:00.002-05:00

This makes me wish I was arty and could make cool ginger things.

"Gingers!" is by the very talented designer/illustrator Ben Douglass -- you can even buy this on a T-shirt by clicking HERE.

*Thanks to my darling Em of Servus Munchen for the link!

Be nice to teh gingers please

2011-02-23T17:49:00.001-05:00

Clearly, the answer to this is "heeeeeell no!" You would not tolerate ginger abuse. Because it's mean and breaks my gingerheart. ABC News hadn't even HEARD of ginger abuse until recently, so, the more you know and all that and stop being mean nowokathanks.

Boys do usually have it worse, so be especially kind to those gingerguys. Anyhoozle, my heart warms when I see there are people out there willing to call punky kids little shits. They usually deserve it (shakefist!)!

*Thanks to gorgeous brunettes Meghan and Julie for pointing this out to me! You're both pretty.

Ginger singers: Adele adoration episode

2011-02-15T13:05:00.001-05:00

Oh hi there, yes it's been a month but really don't be mad, I was thinking about you the whole time, I swear. And to make it up to you, and to me, because really, it's all an act of self=punishment and joy denial anyway, here is the lovely and deliciously voiced Adele. Ginger awesomeness six times to Sunday. Maybe even seven.

Unification of interests version Kuhn.0

2011-01-06T22:01:00.000-05:00

Remember when we and by we I mean I because these are the things I think about found out that Tim Masthay of the almighty and delightful Green Bay Packers is a ginger? That was a thrilling day. Let's get ready for just the second exciting moment I've ever had probably, unless we're counting those 44 minutes I finally felt like everything was going right in my life and the world turned only for me. We usually don't count that, though.

Presenting, John Kuhn, of the aforementioned beloved Packers:

So what? He has a big head, you might be saying, if you were an unobservant sizeist. Let's take a closer look, hmm?

And the facial follicles have it! He is a gingerbeard! Which means he's a carrier of not only pigskins (you keep doin', Kuhn), he is a carrier of the essentially mutated MC1R protein on chromosome 16!

Thanks to my fellow cheesehead and much more successful at everything friend Jeff for pointing this out. He sometimes has/had a Packers blog but he's too busy being special and actually going to playoff games and such these days to indulge in rambling blog posts. He's just got time to inspire them.

Now, that's enough excitement for one night. Let's all settle down on the couch to listen to sad songs on YouTube, because that is what all the cool kids are doing these days on Thursday nights.

Here's to being resolute

2010-12-31T11:12:00.001-05:00

In 2010, I did some stuff I'm proud of. I stayed true, as often as I could, to last year's resolutions, and those I didn't, I'm not upset about. I was honest, I worked hard, I love my family and friends and I have been patient and will continue to be about what I want but hell if I'm going to sit back and just wait for it to happen.

So for 2011 I don't have any jokey type lists, I want to maintain but also move forward and onward into greatness and book publishing. That is mostly a joke, but it is time to gear up for really reaching for that ring that just last year stared to dangle temptingly in my face.

I hope whoever you are out there, more than likely someone I know, that you have a superb 2011. Here's to ring-reaching!

And now, a gratuitous picture of Glen Hansard because this is, after all, some kind of gingerblog. Get it on, 2011!

Squeeworthy: Gingerfoxes

2010-12-03T17:30:00.001-05:00

It's no surprise that most ginger animals are conferred with cute status even before they're ever witnessed being adorable. Who knew Firefox was actually referencing red pandas? Not me but now I'm going to watch them all day every day (take that, responsibilities I don't pay attention to anyway!) as Mozilla and the Knoxville Zoo are enabling me in my quest to be useless.

Case in point — these two red panda sisters, aka fire foxes, make me sick with adulation. I turn to them when the world seems dark and my bank account echoes hollowly with hunger for currency I can't feed it.

Check out these gingerdolls live at Firefox Live. They'll romp your heart right out.

I am unoriginal.

2010-11-07T00:11:00.003-04:00

I thought I was the first to think of Gingervision. Alas, as a kind and very handsome friend just pointed out to me, I am not original.

Skip to 4:29 and hit play.
Damn you, Pete. Damn you.

Everyone is confused, all the time.

2010-10-20T15:17:00.000-04:00

Making up your mind isn't easy even for non gingers.

This is how we (gingers) do it

2010-10-05T17:13:00.005-04:00

Of course I'm going to post Conan's promo. You think this ginger be crazy blind?

Ginger cow

2010-09-30T14:36:00.000-04:00

Scottish Highland Cow says "Moo. I'm a ginger."

You're welcome.

When worlds collide

2010-09-08T13:58:00.001-04:00

FINALLY. My love of the Packers and admiration for all things ginger have combined in this bit of news (thanks, Joey!): The new punter for Green Bay, Tim Masthay, is a redhead. Start the slow clap now.

I'll have an old-fashioned ginger, neat.

2010-08-19T11:40:00.002-04:00

Rita's got class in spades.

Hi.

2010-08-11T11:11:00.001-04:00

I'm coming back. Promise.

The Swell Season covers Neutral Milk Hotel

So I'm a slacker!

2010-05-26T14:01:00.000-04:00

What kind of redhead are you? I don't know if you even are a redhead. Me, I refuse to categorize myself but instead will take credit for all positive attributes given to gingers and only some of the bad ones. You know, so I can appear well-rounded and yet awesome.

Anyway read this and thanks to Austin for the linkage: What kind of redhead are you?

Oh holy ginger love

2010-05-02T23:14:00.003-04:00

This. Man.

...

(cue single tear slowly falling from eye, sliding down cheek)

Watch CBS News Videos Online

Sunday night

2010-05-02T23:01:00.001-04:00

I just really love this picture and miss my Grandpa, even these few years later.

M.I.A features ginger genocide, gets banned from YouTube

2010-04-27T19:16:00.002-04:00

It's been awhile since I posted, so let's get serious, shall we?

Numerous pals (thanks Mac, Austin!) have brought this M.I.A. video to me and said I had to post about it. At first I was just like zomg this is kinda scary and graphic and violent. They're hunting down and beating red-headed boys to death, and the video has been banned by YouTube. It's not because she's against gingers and wants to kill'em all, as some might see it, it's "a commentary on the genocide of ethnic minorities and profiling and “the trampling of personal liberties, the bullying of the powerless by those with authority,” according to MTV.com. I think it sends a powerful message. This shouldn't happen to anyone, and showing redheads as the victims just underscores that it could be any minority population that is chosen to be abused by the majority. Which, clearly, is not a good thing and yet it still happens and is happening right now.

Watch with caution. NSFW.

M.I.A, Born Free from ROMAIN-GAVRAS on Vimeo.

A fellow ginger KILLS it!

2010-03-29T23:16:00.002-04:00

What is this? Have I been remiss for nigh on months and months? How could I have not posted this piece of perfection yet? Sing it, ginger sister.

Something tells me it's not this easy.

2010-03-28T18:27:00.000-04:00

This is what I found when I opened my computer this morning after a night of karaoke, on the bottom of my email screen.

Oh, MB, I just don't think you're going to find it in your email inbox.

Ginger joy

2010-03-13T13:58:00.000-05:00

June 2: Tickets to see Conan O'Brien at Radio City Music Hall. Awwwwww sheeeeeeeeit.

That is all.

On the occasion of my ginger brother's birthday

2010-03-06T03:56:00.003-05:00

I don't know if you've ever loved a younger brother but let me tell you, I love mine. I have two older bros, and they are fine men and fathers, good citizens, but I don't think I learned as much about love from them. Sure I learned how to not be nerdy (or to take that nerd knowledge into real life and just be effing badass), how to be cool what music to like, blah blah. But my little brother was mine. Mine to mold and tell him about Sublime and beat up on and yell at and etc and I left him when he was 11, when I went off to college, and ever since then, every month, I dream that he is a toddler and that I have failed him and he needs my help. But he's okay on his own, in reality.

When I was in third grade, and our house had burned down and we lived in the apartment, he put a ski mask over his little 2-year-old head and ran into a sharp corner and bled and cried and I was supposed to be watching him and I never forgave myself.

He grew up though, and he's smart and a good person and he's applying himself and all those other words that mean he's doing well in society; but the best part is he doesn't blame me for leaving him, and he still remembers how we listened to Billie Holiday every night when we shared a room those seven years. And yet although I seem to remember him as a baby, always, today he's 21, and soon he's coming to visit me.

*Thanks to Kaila's FB for the pic!

At the chance of embarrassing him (as if he ever reads my blog), I love my little brother so much it is physically painful; I feel like the years I spend loving him as an adult will never make up for the years I spent as a stupid teenager, torturing him.

On that note, my little bro, I love you, I'm sorry you were alone for so long and that I was such a bitch. You've grown into a good person, I'm proud of you, and I wish you a very gingered happy birthday.

Awesome without the ginger factor

2010-03-03T14:13:00.000-05:00

It might be hard to believe, but some things in life don't have to be redheaded or ginger-related to be a cut above the rest. I saw this short film at Sundance this year and it was just effing fantastic.

Random rant: Stupid Facebook edition

2010-03-01T00:16:00.003-05:00

Know what's stupid and crappygrossbad and annoying about Facebook? If things didn't work out with a poopyfaced dumbdumbfarthead and you still have to see their updates like oh, yeah they are now friends with so and so and look at that awesome party they went to or you just HAPPEN to check their profile now and again and it's like ugh ew who is that girl your life is LAME mine is better and I seriously question your clothing choices like ALL of the time what the eff why are you so up in my face and now so distant, I hate you Facebook, for turning me into "that girl," crazy, oversharing and cliched.

Ya know? So annoying.

Here I come, Chicago.

2010-02-16T20:04:00.000-05:00

I am going to fly on ginger wings of love, just to visit the Half Acre Beer Company in Chicago.* "Whatever for?" you might be pretending to ask yourself in your head just so I can answer your question.

Well, for beer, of course. With a ginger tinge.

Hellooo, handsomes! Might I trouble you for a gingerbeard -- err, gingerbeer?

The best part is gingers get a discount. And as you know or are about to know in a second, I am, shall we say, always looking for a ginger-related deal. Hey, a ginger's gotta use what a ginger's got to get ahead in this life.

Wait for me, Half Acre. I'll be there someday.

*(Shoutout to Mr. B. Cassidy for alerting me to this wondrousity)

I want this back.

2010-02-14T19:57:00.000-05:00

Definitions

2010-02-08T19:53:00.001-05:00

gingerbeard [jin-jer-beerd] - noun: the ginger-colored growth of hair on the face of an adult man, often including a mustache. Highly appreciated by many gingers of the female persuasion.

cop-out [kop-out] - noun, informal: an act or instance of copping out; reneging; evasion.

"She knew it was a cop-out to post a three-sentence blog about gingerbearded boys after weeks away, but she just didn't have time to use brain cells in a more productive manner."

Ginger-habilitation needed, stat.

2010-01-18T22:27:00.003-05:00

Hoo boy, we have got a doozy on our hands with this little video the handsome Dutchman Wes sent me today. This gingerkid is righteously FIRED UP, fairly flaming with indignation and roiling with wrath over the injustices and teasing he's suffering at the hands of his non-ginger peers, partly in thanks to South Park. However, he's going about addressing the problem in a slightly combative way.

First of all, ginger brother, embrace the word. Take it back. Love it. Own it. Roll it around in your mouth like a melty delicious Rolo.

Second, you have a soul. Got it. You mentioned that a few times. Let's express that soulfulness in a more positive manner. Perhaps write an ode to gingerdom? Hmm? Take a deep breath and count your freckles until you calm down? Eh? Fiery tempers do often prevail among those of our kind, try not to live up to the stereotype.

Third, just don't be so angry, and don't hurt yourself. Kids will tease you, but only as long as you show that it's getting to you. Eventually you will grow up and who knows! Maybe you will write a blog about being a ginger that seven people read a month! Dare to dream.

Now go in peace, my young ginger friend. Know that there are others like you out there, and stand proud (and not so irately) with your crown of copper.

Tyke is back in the hospital overnight

2010-01-15T00:32:00.000-05:00

I have to write about this because right now I can't do anything. I can't think and my heart is breaking for him and his heart is just broken. It's maybe weeks now, maybe months, they say. But I can't just tell them to take him, I can't say goodbye, I saw him in the oxygen cage and he recognized me and reached his paw out and purred but he was still panting. I have to leave next week for a week. I can't leave him.

He was here, asleep on my clothes. He was just on the kitchen table while I ate dinner. I just reminded him of all my favorite memories. Remember when I found you and Chico at the shelter? Remember when you figured out how to climb the ladder to my bed? You taught Chico how to tip over the water bowl. You fell off that high ledge and I worried. Remember the dog on 11th street and sleeping on your back on the couch and a week and a half ago when you crawled onto my chest and last night when you slept next to me and purred so loud I couldn't sleep? You weren't supposed to get sick again this soon. You're supposed to beat the odds. Remember how you kung fu kick at Chico and how you run down the hall when I call for you and you jump on my bed and how you swipe and get angry when I stop petting you. WHy is this happening I can't handle. He was eating all week he was getting better.

How do I go to sleep when my heart is broken and breaking. The doctor says to give him a chance to up his meds, but that will only last him so long. I can't stand to see him like this but I can't imagine his eyes closed forever.

As if you even had to ask...

2010-01-12T22:50:00.000-05:00

Just try to take a ginger down, why doncha.

Tyke update

2010-01-11T22:22:00.000-05:00

Realized I never updated those of you out in blogland who might not have heard via all the ten bajillion other ways I'm connected on the Internet. My darling little man Tyke has hypertrophic obstructive cardiomyopathy, and the prognosis is 6-12 months to live. If I write any more about this right now I'll start crying so excuse me while I go back to snuggling my Tykey pants.

Jack Kerouac had a cat named Tyke.

2010-01-09T21:16:00.000-05:00

And so do I, although I didn't know ol Jack used the same name when I chose it five years ago. Tyke is my little guy, and today he freaked out at the vet and is now sick and spending the night at the animal hospital in intensive care. He's never spent the night away from his bro Chico, and all these factors, combined with the possibility of some kind of heart condition or other illness that I will not be able to afford to take care of, has got me at home bawling because I miss him and feel horrible and upset and sad and worried. So please, even if you don't like cats, cross fingers for Tyke because I love him.

You must be gingerclownin' me!

2010-01-04T09:00:00.001-05:00

I agree with most of this post from Boner Party!!! (via my observant roommate), obviously for its pro-ginger stance, but then it just gets totally unrealistic.

They say:

Redheads are great, because not only are they wily, cunning and masterful users of their own surroundings, but they are also just one face painting session away to playing “Sexy Ronald McDonald”.

Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it. You will never forget the day she made you a poodle out of a balloon while also being topless.

YEAH RIGHT! I will never don anything close to resembling a fast food clown. NEVER!

Awww, dangit.

Resolutionizing for the 10s

2009-12-31T09:23:00.014-05:00

Holy futuristic flying cars and holographic boyfriends! The end of the first decade of the second millenium is upon us and I, for one, am ready for some changes.

Imma:
1. Get hawt(er) by way of the aforementioned super-secret endeavor which involves trainers and nutritionists and things, which will result in unrequited crushes to rue the day they passed this gingertrain up.

2. Make our apartment the dwelling version of bangin'.

3. Try not to resort to familiar habits when feeling vulnerable/rejected/sad/lonely. I'll read a book instead.

4. Last year I wanted to not be a defensive beyotch, this year I think I will change that to not being such a judgy beyotch.

5. Stop whining about not getting the one I want, and be patient enough to be gotten by someone who wants me. ZEN!

6. I also said I was going to write short stories of which I have completed none. So let's tack that onto the 2010 list too.

Last year was fine, I mean I didn't lose my job (unlike lots of my wonderful friends who are now, mostly, otherwise situated) and I'm healthy and so is my family and my friends are all nice people who are pretty good at jokes, but here's to 2010 being stellar and glorious and filled with good news and hugs.

Go get'em, kids. SEE YA WHEN I SEE YA! (Tomorrow, probs)

MacGingergyver saves a contact lens

2009-12-28T23:08:00.001-05:00

In case you hadn't noticed, there is a recession going on out there. And in case you didn't know, contact lenses are expensive. So, when a wee ocular demon or scratchety gremlin of some horrible sort took up residence on my eye today, I had to take my contact out at work. I had a tiny bit of solution to put it in, but no contact case to keep it safe until I got home to my glasses. This particular contact lens was just put into my right eye for the first time yesterday, and I was unsure if I had any more left.

THE MISSION: Get contact lens safely home without a case.
THE OPERATIVE: MB
THE TOOLS: Various and sundry office supplies.
PROCEDURE: The mission was undertaken in a series of steps.*
Step 1. Procure coffee pod, or in this case, hot chocolate pod, in office kitchen, and dump out contents. Rinse.

Step 2. Administer contact lens solution in aforementioned pod, add contact lens.
Step 3. Place pod in corner of cardboard jewelry box. Tape into position, making sure to secure firmly to inside of box.

Step 4. Put lid into place. Tape securely on all four sides.

Step 5. Position in bottom of purse, wedged into corner. Place other purse type objects on top in an effort to achieve as little motion as possible, thus avoiding spillage and/or loss of contact. Get home with the use of only one eye.
RESULT: Mission Accomplished.

Now if only I had the MacGyver-y skills to procure the love and admiration of the object of my desire with a little Scotch tape to ensure attachment. That would probably make a better story than the above, but you'll have to stay tuned on that one.

*Note: These steps where reenacted for cell phone picture illustration once the mission was successfully completed upon reaching home.

Ginger bells, ginger bells

2009-12-25T13:48:00.000-05:00

Ginger all the way... oh what fun it is to ride in a Highlander today.

Good song. Merry Christmas to you all, we're heading to Chicago to meet up with one side of the fam for some holiday cheer (read: wine) and White Elephanting. Here's to no Christmas fights and that I am not overly criticized for my ugly pumpkin pies. They really do taste very good.

CHRISTMAS HUGS ON YOUR FACES!

Plan for future hot ginger domination

2009-12-23T17:05:00.003-05:00

So in the next few months I am going on a top-secret mission to be all healthy and stuff, which is obviously going to make me hot. I am very mature about the reasons for this lifestyle change: superficial appeal (along with improved quality of life and self-worth, of course)!

I discussed this plan with Marg recently, and she took it a step further.

Margaret: whatever, i think im totes in the friend zone
me: well you don't know until you know
and then you can join me in my misery
except when i am hot
[redacted]will regret
Margaret: you're gonna be so hot
you wont be my friend anymore
me: that's totally true
approval from guys and alienating your friends is a very healthy reason to lose weight
Margaret: you'll look at me and be like oh, i am the hottest ginger in town so I don't want to be her friend cuz she ugly
me: yes, correct. when i am hot i will be a huge bitch out of touch with reality
Margaret: yep, u'll be all like i'm so fly that i don't need friends that girls because all the mens are up in my bidness
me: no way, i'll use my powers for good
and everyone will get handsome nice funny boyfriends
Margaret: i like that scenario
me: done and done

Gingerism strikes again: Christmas edition

2009-12-15T12:27:00.006-05:00

As if it isn't bad enough that individual gingers all over the place are getting kicked and made fun of and walloped upside the head, a major corporation, with like, a cajillion stores (or somewhere close to that number), has to go ahead and sell a Christmas card sanctioning anti-ginger sentiment. FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS REDHEADED! Christmas is about being nice, and remembering that like, we were all babies in a metaphorical manger once but we grow up and when we grow up we should treat people like people and not like they're not as good as we are just because they're different and have gorgeous, resplendent locks of golden red atop their noggins. Criminy.

Miss Jonesy alerted me to this story on the BBC News: Two Tesco stores in York, England have withdrawn a holiday card that shows a child with red hair sitting on Santa's lap, with the words, "Santa loves all kids. Even ginger ones."

For the love of reindeer! Even the gingers?!? He loves us especially! He can see us better when he's in the sky heading to our houses! Our hair is a flaming beacon of wonder, not unlike the Star of Bethlehem! Helloo, gingerbread is like, the holiday dessert! Uh, gingerbread houses? Gingerbread cookies? The list goes on, probably.

So this holiday season, please be nice to the gingers in your life. Or at least don't buy a gingerist card, for goodness' sake.

Gingerlove: Julianne Moore shows the world how it's done

2009-12-09T21:22:00.004-05:00

It's not only the male, handsome variety of gingers I appreciate. Oh no, fair gingerists, I know how and when to give credit where its due to the female of our species.

To wit: Julianne Moore. EFFING WORK IT! SLAY'EM! (From V magazine)

When I grow up, I want to be just like Julianne.

Ginger nostalgia: Makem & Clancy edition

2009-12-05T17:58:00.004-05:00

Before Glen Hansard made my gingerheart go a pitter pat, there were other Irishmen, the first musicians I can remember (along with Michael Jackson, of course) who ingrained themselves on my memory forever and earned a spot in the hall of MB nostalgia. Makem & Clancy, or more specifically, Tommy Makem and Liam Clancy. Tommy departed for those heavenly green fields a few years ago, and then just the other day, Liam (who, apparently, Bob Dylan called the best ballad singer he'd ever heard) died at age 74.

There's a reason my life goal is to be able to own a house somewhere in the middle of the woods, with a porch and a rocking chair. I can remember sitting on the porch in Kentucky during summer vacation, my Grandma Q cooking something delicious in the kitchen, with the tape player balanced in the window against the screen, playing Makem & Clancy songs. Sometimes it was raining, the soft drops that made it down through the canopy of trees adding to the music while the citronella candles glowed and the screen door squeaked open and slammed shut as the family set the table for dinner on the porch and the rocking chair rocked. Those are some of my very favorite memories and I owe a lot to those Irishmen for them, as well as for an overall appreciation of Ireland and its culture.

Here's one of my favorite songs (just ignore the awesome 70s outfits), in two parts.

The Ginger abuse must stop.

2009-11-24T13:00:00.004-05:00

Imagine I am screaming in rage and shaking my fist at the sky right now. Why? Because of South Park and their little Kick a Ginger Day, which apparently is Nov. 20. Some poor redheaded kids in Calabasas, Calif. got beat up for being gingers.

The L.A. Times has a story up now:

Three students reported being beaten up by about a dozen students at A.E. Wright Middle School. Authorities believe the attacks are linked to a Facebook group based on a 2005 episode of 'South Park.' At least three youngsters in Calabasas have fallen victim to violence by fellow middle-school students after a Facebook group urged people to beat up redheads, authorities said Monday.

The first reported incident occurred Friday morning when a 12-year-old redheaded boy was kicked and hit by a dozen of his classmates at A.E. Wright Middle School, Los Angeles County sheriff's investigators said.

Detectives took reports of two more assaults, targeting a seventh-grader and an eighth-grader that day at the middle school, said Lt. Scott Chew. Investigators are trying to determine whether there was a fourth attack, officials said.

The students who participated in the attack may have been motivated by a Facebook message telling them that Friday was "Kick a Ginger Day," according to Chew.

"Ginger" is a label given to people with red hair, freckles and fair skin.

Chew said investigators believe the bizarre attacks were inspired by the television show "South Park." A satirical 2005 episode focused on prejudice against "gingers" after one of the characters claims that people with red hair, light skin and freckles have no souls and suffer from a disease called "Gingervitis."

SERIOUSLY? Now while I have never been beaten for nature's fiery gift, I did suffer plenty of teasing, on one occasion I'll never forget, an older boy in grade school who shall remain nameless (name rhymes with Shrian Shemp) asked me if my mother had smashed a tomato on my head when I was born. That, I could handle. Be nice to each other, kids. You might grow up to love a ginger someday.

Liz has suggested payback, in the form of "Gingers Kick Back" day. I'm all on board with this, but won't tell you when it is so you can just be surprised when one day a ginger kicks you. Only if you've been bad to a ginger in your past, of course. We have our ways of knowing.

Ginger Grudge: Magazine Cover Edition

2009-11-23T09:06:00.004-05:00

I've got a bone to pick with you, so-called Models Inc. magazine. I spotted you last night at a Duane Reade, sitting up there on your shelf, with a cartoon ginger on your cover. While I am a fan of the cover line, "Red-Hot Redheads! Why Carrot Tops Drive Us Wild," I am more than a little bit upset with your choice for a cover model. Why? BECAUSE SHE IS A CARTOON. Clearly I cannot live up to the standards of beauty set by a drawn figure with flaming hair and gravity-defying assets. And? There are plenty of lovely, non-cartoonish, real living and breathing redheads out there. I know, it's a recession, but seriously, don't insult us (and by us, I clearly mean me) with your pseudo Jessica Rabbiting cover shenanigans.

**UPDATE** Some people know things that other people (me) do not. Mike has informed me that the above magazine is actually a Marvel comic cross venture fashion type deal. I should've realized that when I saw, "How to Fight Crime AND Fat!" and "616 Ways to Make Your Costume Look Like More Than Just Tights." I thought it was just like, a neighborhood crime watch thing combined with power walking and belated Halloween ideas. Anyway, I stand corrected, but they should know they're confusing people out there. Gullible, unobservant ginger people.

Welcome back!

2009-11-20T20:45:00.004-05:00

The welcome back is meant for me, I love talking to myself and I'm returning too. Returning from the edge of the tip of the point of the stressknife. I won't bore you with all the non-ginger details, instead I will regale you with a list of random thoughts and things.

1. Detainees in Iraq have gotten wise regarding the Wisconsin Guard dudes in charge of them, and have started to tease them about Brett Favre. Basically, this is awesome and amazing in so many ways, and says a lot about an entire state when anyone from that state can be needled with the name of a Missouran quarterback with a killer arm.

2. Wanda Sykes scares me. Almost as much or more than Garry Shandling.

3. A friend suggested I should start a gingerwig line. I'm seriously considering this. And by serious I mean, seriously thinking of some great jokes about it.

4. I think that sometimes artists, mostly musicians and writers, hold onto the idea of lost love just so they can use it to create and then they find another person to love, break up with them, and repeat the cycle.

5. I want a baby otter. After watching the video I shall embed below, I had the following G-chat discussion with Mike.

me: it's like, a puppycat
Mike: With a big belly
and sharp teeth
me: i want it
Mike: OK I'll get you one.
But only if you name it Hermes.
Pronounce "Her-Meez"
me: oh DEFINITELY
Mike: Done.
What do they run? 40, 50 bucks?
do some research, get back to me.
me: oh yes i have time for otter research
Mike: Hey if you want a real otter, you take some time.
me: I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR OTTER BUYING TODAY
Mike: Hahha
OK fine.
Take your time. But Christmas isn't far off.
Hermes the otter is out there. Somewhere. Lonely. Crying. Cracking oysters on his little otter belly.

Hello my new little ginger darling

2009-11-03T20:45:00.008-05:00

Remember how horribly twee ginger rapper Asher Roth let me down? And how I love Mayer Hawthorne but he isn't a ginger? Well! I have a new little music ginger crush, one half of Chester French, a young man by the name of Andrew "D.A." Wallach (and yes, I realize I am late to the game on this one). Those curls! That voice! Added bonus? He's from Milwaukee. Bestill my brat-lovin' heart, you adorable boy, you.

But wha! That's in black and white, MB! I could still tell because I am attuned, you see. Below's the ginger proof.

I rest my case.

This is what happens when Brett Favre beats the Packers at Lambeau

2009-11-01T23:04:00.008-05:00

You have reduced me to tears, Brett Favre. I hope you're happy now please get out of football.

*Thanks to my fellow fan Jeff, who wrote a funnier and more comprehensive post, even if you did laugh at me for crying.

Wherein Liz has a Halloween conversation with herself

2009-10-30T16:01:00.002-04:00

Liz: ok so

karaoke machine delivery at 12noon

kristen & liz hit up party city at 1pm

mike brings photo booth - 7pm

(he does't know that yet)

should be good

what time are you coming over?

kristen is getting waterboarded at my house
me: so much going on there

Dum dee dum dum da dum, dum dee dum dum daa dum, etc.

2009-10-28T00:02:00.004-04:00

I'm trying to remember when I first realized that one day, I would be the same age as my day of birth. I do know that when I figured it out, I was super pissed that it wouldn't be until I was the ancient old age of 28 to get to my golden birthday. Now it's here, and it doesn't feel so much golden as just, olden. And also silly that I've been looking forward to 28 on the 28th for such a long time.

Anyway! How about some of MB's Greatest Birthday Hits?

1981: I don't remember the day I was born, obvs, but I do know that my brothers got to go to Chuck E. Cheese's while my mom was still in the hospital with me, so, they liked that one.

1988: Infamous swimming birthday party. I couldn't swim very well, so while everyone else was in the deep end of the JCC pool frolicking, I stayed in the kiddie pool and cried. I don't know what I was thinking, having a pool party if I couldn't swim.

1989: My mom made pumpkin cookies for me to bring to the class the next day, and left the last batch in the (turned off) oven overnight to cool. The next morning we realized mice had gotten into the oven and nibbled and pooped all over the cookies. Minor freakout ("But I HAVE to have enough for the whole CLAAAAASS!") until my mom went to the store to get replacement treats before school started. God, I was a brat.

1992: Parents turned the whole house into a haunted one. That was effing sweet.

1995: My dad surprised me by bringing home a cat. I wanted to name him something like, Flufferbutter McKittyPants or Michael Jordan, but instead my brother named him Finbar. He's still alive and still awesome.

1997: I didn't get my license on my 16th birthday for the sole reason that my brothers hadn't. Thanks, guys.

1999: I turned 18, my friends and I went and bought cigarettes and a nudie magazine just because I could.

2002: Ah, 21. There was a list of things I had to do? I think? Everyone wrote on my shirt, I did a keg stand with a condom on my head and took a nap on the ground at one point. College!

2003: The year my seven roommates and I all pooled money for Tiffany necklaces. I yelled out, "it's a BEAN!" when I got mine. Might've had a beverage or two by that point. Ahem.

2005: The year I surprised myself by coming home with two cats. Neither ended up being named Flufferbutter McKittypants/Michael Jordan.

2007: Lauren flew into NYC to surprise me, and then she and Liz and Abby and Margaret and Mike and all my friends threw me a karaoke/surprise birthday party, because I'd never had one, and it was the best ever.

So! I can't complain, and if I was someone else I'd say something cheesy here about how maybe all my birthdays have been golden, because I've spent them with friends and family and oh isn't the circle of life wonderful? This is also the first time in 10 years that I will be waking up on my birthday in the same apartment/house as I did the year before. It's nice.

Here's to golden birthdays, my darlingest dears. Thanks for being with me.

P.S. As I wrote this, I just had to add 2009: Jessica texts me at exactly midnight to wish me happy birthday right on the dot. That's love. Her golden birthday is this year too, we've been waiting for this for way too long.

Hmm... no access to affordable healthcare might have killed it off.

2009-10-25T23:07:00.001-04:00

Wedding accomplished.

2009-10-19T09:00:00.001-04:00

The Berkeley clan. Since I caught the bouquet, obviously this scene will be repeated at some point, but I won't be holding my breath.

A few more just for funsies.

The first BB gets hitched

2009-10-17T00:05:00.005-04:00

Right now feels like Christmas Eve. I'm at my parents' house, my little brother is here, I just saw my friends and their little brothers... but we're not all anticipating presents and snow. Our Brittany is getting married.

The older I get, the more I can appreciate the made-for-chick-lit childhood I had. It's kind of ridiculously sweet: Four girls living on one block, all with brothers and none having sisters, growing up, fighting, having sleepovers, getting older, moving away, keeping in touch, and always, always being a family. Somewhere along the way, one of our parents dubbed us, "the Berkeley Babes," for the street we lived on, and it stuck.

Everyone kept warning us that as we grew up, we'd grow apart, we'd go to high school we'd go to college and the inevitable drift would happen, drive us farther from each other, and ours would be just a story of childhood friends who once rollerbladed and took gymnastics together and had singing contests and started babysitting businesses. But here we are, we're living our lives as adults (debatable, in my case), and the story continues past childhood.

[Here is where I would put in a picture of us as adorable little children but I don't have one so instead, nowish]

And now Brittany is going somewhere none of has been before... She's getting married tomorrow, and we're all together again.

We're still forcing her to attend the annual sleepover at Christmas.

Happy BB weddingtimes. :)

I want to go to there.

2009-10-09T09:00:00.005-04:00

There are truths universally acknowledged that a. I have been known to indulge in a drink now and again and b. that I have red hair and c. I am usually light in the pockets. Some smartypants genius of a wonderful person out there must have known these all of these things when creating Madam's Organ, a bar in D.C... where redheads drink for half price.
...

WHAT?!?!? I KNOW! It's totally true, and now I know, thanks to my pal Jeff (who also happens to write a superb Packers blog, Unpacked).

To wit.

Jeff: there is a bar in DC where redheads drink for half price
4:52 PM me: YOU LIE
4:53 PM i want proof.
4:54 PM Jeff: http://www.madamsorgan.com/
4:55 PM me: HOLY SHIT

To recap:
Bar.
Bar that rewards redheads.
Bar that rewards redheads by giving them drinks half price.
Heaven.

Are you listening, New York? Get on it. I'm thirsty and poor.

Goodbye, my Nordic Giant

2009-10-06T10:35:00.001-04:00

I hope it doesn't hurt anymore.

Eric Stoltz, where have you been all my ginger life?

2009-10-03T15:15:00.006-04:00

Please, if I only had a time machine to not only take me back to circa 1987 when Eric Stoltz was the hottest 26-year-old gingerguy around, but also to re-age me so I would not be five, and would instead be of appropriate age to meet, woo and marry Eric Stoltz, I would be the happiest little gingergal you ever could find.

This Some Kind of Wonderful* poster is the only serviceable online example of his hotness that I can find, so let's pretend sourface, boring mousy Lea Thompson and "Oh, I'm a tomboy because I have short hair and carry drumsticks around" Mary Stuart Masterson just aren't there, and focus on the wonderment that is Eric Stoltz.

I know I'm 22 years late on this game, but would you just look at the intense blue eyes, the dark red hair, the cut of his jaw and the cut of his jib all perfectly sensitively masculine and glorious? It just doesn't get much better.

Eric Stoltz, where are you now? Out there being 48, living in New Mexico, as IMDB tells me? Let's get in touch, time machine or no time machine. I have a feeling this one could work itself out.

*Thanks to the wise friend who suggested I watch this movie in the first place and subsequently give the world my opinion on Eric Stoltz's hotness. You're handsome and smart and good at jokes.

<3

2009-09-27T23:18:00.004-04:00

and

say oh my. but then

is so perfect, simple. kick drum!

Why, hello there.

2009-09-24T09:00:00.000-04:00

ZOMG! Gingerbeards! Thanks to roommate for bringing this to my attention. I'm glad someone else out there loves the ginges.

Self-indulgence at its best.

2009-09-23T01:48:00.004-04:00

If I don't post this now I never will. I used to put this kind of thing up all the time when I was unemployed and apparently far more contemplative. It's the kind of thing that comes from walking home late at night with a means to type and many blocks to walk.

Anyway (pretend I am clearing my throat here), forgive the navel-gazing.

Can I explain the deep Brooklyn air on my post-midnight walk home? The heavy, late summer way it hangs still until I walk into it; the sweet, silent tang of waiting. Cricket and squeet of the bugs in my trees, the emptiness of the pavement until a figure appears out of nowhere to walk toward me and disappear again. Dead leaves decaying in the muddy, eddying breeze; if I could I’d eat this.

  Somehow it all reminds me of someone totally other from this place, except in my overly nostalgic memories. This recall is easy and indulgent, he's who I want here, and if I dreamed it, it can be true.

Almost there. I can't imagine you'll appear. “I'm like the rain in a downpour,” she sings on the air.

The way the rain is falling it's crying for me, dropping to my cheeks so I have nothing to do at all but walk.

Time to start saving copper pennies.

2009-09-21T22:21:00.006-04:00

I've been meaning to write about this for weeks and weeks now, or maybe just days and days, but due to the busyness of an everyday life with work and traveling to far flung, Midwestern-type places, that I just haven't. Couldn't do it. But now that approximately 437 people have forwarded me the link, I think it's time.

Friends, I want to go to a place where there is a sea of gently gleaming ginger, amber waves of red hair shining from festival border to festival border... Breda, in the Netherlands, has its very own Redhead Festival, a celebration of all gingerpeoples. So says the BBC.

GINGER PEOPLE EVERYWHERE ZOMG YAY WHA CRAZY WOOT!

The BBC loves to write about gingers, maybe because it's one of the places where anti-ginger feelings linger. Me, I just want to go and hang out with my peeps. The founder understands it perfectly:

"When people come together as redheads, they just look at each other," he says. "They have a certain bond."

Hells yeah we do. Best watch out.

Someone else wants a ginger-only theater company, which is actually kind of weird? For some reason? But I like what she's saying about our fortitude in the face of those people who taunted us in the hot lunch line in 4th grade and asked if someone smashed a tomato on our heads when we were born (you know who you are).

Ms van Hengel, whose reddish locks are somewhat faded, seeks out redheads not just for their aesthetic qualities - but their character traits too. Most have had to put up with bullying, she says, which in turn has made them strong and proud characters.

And then there's another lady who really sees the festival a some kind of state fair/breeding ground/orgy, because she was unlucky enough, in her view, to have failed to produce redheaded babies. Just the words "spawn" and "ginger offspring" make me think of aliens more than people and I get a bit skittery about the whole thing at the end.

Ms Rynders prefers being unusual and doesn't like the idea of an exclusively ginger community. However, she is disappointed that none of her children has ginger hair, so welcomes the idea that such a place may spawn more ginger offspring.

So there you go. We'll catch up in a week or whenever I invariably crack and decide I can once again start to try and write what I'm really feeling about certain situations and emotions that have no place in a rational life.

My first funny feelings

2009-09-14T23:48:00.005-04:00

This might sound weird to blog about after someone has died, but my first memory of Patrick Swayze is that I was watching Dirty Dancing, and he's all muscled and in his black tank top and tight pants, dancing all close up on Baby, and I thought, "Oh, what is that... I feel weird..." and subsequently pictured Johnny as my first love and the first guy whose cabin I'd want to show up in during a rain storm with an impassioned speech and subsequent who-knows-what (since I didn't really understand the funny feelings I was having). And now he's gone. So that's sad.

My roommate and I were talking* about this clip so I thought I'd put it up, for old times' sake.

*The conversation went as follows, in an admittedly less than sensitive manner on my part:
Sarah: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n11g9VuBRgA
11:46 PM me: awwwwwww he was so young and handsome
Sarah: I almost cried
11:52 PM Sarah: god
how was I allowed to watch this movie??
11:53 PM me: i have no clue
hence why i was like, what are these feeeeeeelings? is this allowed?
Sarah: when they're dancing in his room
11:54 PM and all of the sudden he takes her shirt off
and they're like, grinding
and dancing
and she's in her bra
that's not normal!
me: no it's not and then they DO IT
and there's an ABORTION
11:55 PM Sarah: oh shit!
youre right
11:56 PM me: i mean, baby gets her big chance because the other girl is getting coat-hangered
to put it horribly
Sarah: god
mary beth!

It's already September

2009-09-05T00:11:00.003-04:00

And I haven't posted a THING! Contain yourselves. Tonight I'm home at my parents', after successfully not being on a delayed flight. I made a new friend on the plane, a nice younger gentleman the same age as my little brother who isn't really little anymore and is 20.

Now I'm sitting in my Dad's chair because my parents are in bed already, and I have a delicious cold Miller Lite to drink while I wait for my dress to be done in the laundry, because tomorrow I am going to Bacheloretteize the town of Chicago. Ever heard of it?

I'm a little spaced out and tired so this is the worst post ever but I just thought I'd check in, let you know I'm good, send you my hugs and whatnot and say hello to your mother for me or something.

Just a thought

2009-08-23T22:51:00.004-04:00

Morgan Freeman really needs to stop lending his voice to whosoever decides to pay him to display his gravelly, reassuring vocal talents. He's seriously testing the limits of his credibility with me. Although I already have a Chase debit card and so he's preaching to the choir in this particular instance. Unless I'm remembering wrong (the commercial was on about two minutes ago, good sign) and it was for AmEx, in which case, I better go get me one of those.

Also, I just picked a piece of my wall out, it's cracked in many places, and now I'm worried that will cause the entire crack to just let go and ruin the whoooole wall. I don't know what I've gotten myself into on this one.

Proof in case you think I lie about potentially life-threatening cracks:

New song obsession

2009-08-21T14:33:00.002-04:00

Extreme hairiness of the singer not withstanding, I am in love with this song. Thanks to my gingerpal Mike for giving this to me today via the lovely Mary who found it first.

King Charles from Black Cab Sessions on Vimeo.

Dear Brett Favre,

2009-08-18T13:40:00.005-04:00

YOU ARE BREAKING MY HEART.

+ =

Gingers are like unicorns.

2009-08-17T21:53:00.003-04:00

We all know how I like to pine and wax and otherwise blab on about handsome redheaded men, but since I hate talking about myself, I haven't addressed the other side of the coin -- the theory that some men just love to chase the flames. Maybe I haven't discussed this because anytime some guy is like oh you have red hair, that's usually followed by the carpet/drapes question and I go ew, go away.

Anyway. Apparently this dude in this article says men like gingers.

And I quoth:
"I wouldn’t say most men love redheads. A sizable majority, sure. And those men who love redheads likely focus on them because of their genetic rarity. The universe makes only so many redheads, and so it makes an impression when a man is beauty-napalmed by one. I have had a lifelong attraction to redheads: their alabaster skin, constellations of freckles, and combustible temperaments. This is an aberrant preoccupation."

It's a cute article and he goes on to be like oh woe is me a ginger never loved me back, and then to say that girls don't traditionally love ginger men, so apparently I'm an exception, or at least I know there are handsome gingermen out there.

He ends with, "I mean, redheads aren’t magical creatures, like unicorns. They are human beings, like you and me."

That last statement is totally untrue because I am, in fact, a unicorn.

So what stop starin.

2009-08-15T04:57:00.003-04:00

I'm probably supposed to say something revelatory and cheeky at the same time but, and I went out on the boat on the Milwaukee river with my home friends and my family my forever girls for Britt's bridal shower and there's some literary "thing" I'm supposed to get out of all of it... but really, really, I just liked it. A lot. I was with my people and I had a time and there's nothing redheaded about it. Besides my natural condition. But this blog is just here to tell you you can grow up with your best friends and and still love them forever.

Maybe next post.

Full blue-eyed circleness

2009-07-30T16:00:00.000-04:00

Around 11 months ago, a few days into working at my jobbety job, I had a thought that one Adrian Grenier resembled a Siberian Husky because he has delightfully light blue eyes.

Well let's just say no puppy was in the office today. BOOM! Handsome.

Gingerkid's got talent

2009-07-29T09:27:00.004-04:00

There are many people I particularly like in this life of mine, including but not limited to Johnny Cash and adorable redheaded children. So imagine my infinite and immediate glee upon receiving an email tip from the lovely and hilarious Katy Kelley at BrownChickenBrownCow that someone out there has been lucky enough to have a redheaded child spring from their loins, and have that child subsequently take an interest in Johnny Cash and learn to play (sort of) "Folsom Prison Blues" at the age of 5 while sporting quite a wee Ramones-ish haircut. I should be so lucky to ever produce such a child with such a coif paired with such talent (Glen Hansard, listen up). Watch the lil gingerkid musician below and just try not to squeal with delight.

Ginger rambling

2009-07-20T20:22:00.001-04:00

I haven’t been able to collect any thoughts recently, much less get my GingerSnaps project underway. Instead I shall herewith list some random, ramble-ish things.

1. TV Innterconnectivity/Jacques Pepin Love
Yesterday I was watching Jacques Pepin’s Fast Food My Way on PBS and was reminded of what a sweet, adorable man he is. If I ever get married, I’d hope that my husband would know his way around the kitchen even half as well as le Jacques. Le sigh. Then, on Lidia Bastianich’s show, she showed me the same technique Jacques already had. Which was weird but THEN on Mike Colameta’s show, he mentioned how awesome Jacques is while he was doing something and talking too much. But the TV interconnectivity didn’t end there! Roommate Sarah and I yawned at a commercial for Masterpiece Theatre, remarked that it’d been on forever, and changed the channel to Family Guy, where, lo and behold, they were doing a parody of Masterpiece Theatre. ODD! Yes, this is my life.

2. Frank McCourt died.
This is sad for more than a few reasons. Yes, people die, and he was old-ish but I’d just reread Teacher Man and so felt particularly close. Especially since I read Angela’s Ashes for the first time while in Limerick six years ago, and Frank used to live nearby in good ol Clinton Hill. He was also writing his first novel and I was excited for that. So, farewell, Mr. McCourt. I’m going to try to tell more stories.

3. My subway conductor this morning was a good whistler.
He probably still IS a good whistler but this morning was my only experience with him. I was sitting in the first car of the Q train, right by the door to his little driverly cubicle, and he was whistling “I’ll Be There” by the Jackson 5 all the way from Dekalb to 42nd Street. It was great.

4. I really like popsicles.
They’re just so tasty.

5. I’m going to a wedding this weekend in Cleveland.
I’m excited for it, although everyone else there besides Liz and I will have dates. I'm dreading turning into one of those people who feels surrounded by happy couples and Facebook status updates of "OMG I'm so happy I'm married and have a house and we're going to landscape the garden this weekend." I don't want to feel that way but I guess I will unless everyone stops getting married or at least learns not to tick me off with inane status messages. I do think I'm better than you. Sometimes.

6. Some guys is cuter than you.
As the adorable and talented ShmittenKitten ladies pointed out, this guy is cute and witty and owns a beard and is very aware that girls find him cute so he makes jokes about how he's not. AND, he's going to Iceland. I bet he doesn't feel as cool inside as others think he is. Eh? Or maybe he does. Whatever. My friend Rey went to Iceland too, so, ha.

7. I promise more gingerness soon.
I make a lot of promises that I then break but I really intend on starting to trying to think about being more active.

8. Is great.
BOOM!

9. I used to have a lot of unemployed friends.
Now slowly but surely, they're becoming employed or employing their skills by writing about being unemployed. Most recent congratulations to Miss Jonesy, who, after a year of toiling in the freelance world, is now gainfully employed once more.

10. Here's an adorable gingerkid, via Jezebel.

Because I'm lazy and I love you.

2009-07-10T09:00:00.000-04:00

This video is by no means new, but it's Friday, I love Mayer Hawthorne, and I love you and I want us all to watch together and be happy. Even if it's not going to work out. Hey-o!

Gingerview #2: Faux Titian Edition

2009-06-29T18:58:00.008-04:00

I have a thing where like, my friends and I see a dyed gingerhead and someone goes, Oh, look, MB, another ginger! And then I scoff disdainfully and wrinkle my nose in distaste (if I actually knew how to wrinkle my nose) and sneer, yeah, that's a DYED ginger.

However, there is one exception, and I will tell you why she is it: Lindsey, she of the banished co-worker whose absence has caused me much distress in the workplace, is so verily committed to her gingerness, and is so about the ginger pride in a very sincere way, so that sometimes I forget she's a dyer, that she has become like a real ginger to me.

Therefore, she gets Gingerview #2: Faux Titian Edition

Name, age, location, etc: Lindsey Hunter Lopez, 26, Greenpoint
Natural?: Nope.
So why you choose to go ginger?: Ginger hair goes with my Irish coloring better than mousy brown does.
Please describe your particular tinge of ginge: I would describe it as brownish strawberry blonde at the moment, though the dye color was called "Papaya."
What is your earliest ginger memory?: Having lots of freckles and wishing I were tan instead.
Have you ever been made fun of for having red hair?: No, because I didn't have red hair as a child and red hair is cool now. I reap all the benefits with none of the childhood pain!
Have you heard of gingerism as in the form of discrimination? If so, isn't that stupid?: Yes, and it's ridic. Many people, like myself, pay money to be ginger. Gingerism is a silly British phenomenon.
What's the best part about being a ginger?: Having a unique and "spunky" persona. Also good: the descriptor "fiery."
Biggest drawback (if any) to gingerness?: Red hair dye fades faster than other colors. So do youth and beauty fade, my friends. So do youth and beauty.

Happy anniversary, darling

2009-06-27T16:29:00.005-04:00

I just realized I moved to New York City exactly five years ago today. I showed up at my apartment on 10th Ave across from the gas station (convenient when you need to know time and temp) and above Hallo Berlin with a huge rolling duffel, a big camping type backpack, and broke my flip flop trying to get in the door with all that baggage.

It's kind of hard to believe that five years have passed, because that seems like way too much time and I don't feel any more grown up than I was at 22. But then I think about all the people I've met, places I've worked, the five apartments I've lived in, the grad degree I got somewhere along the way, the dive bars I've brandished singles at in exchange for cheap beer, the pants-off dance-offs with the gang, the brunches, the family dinners, the cab drivers I've befriended after a long night, the heartaches that turned out to be nothing a few weeks and a new crush couldn't heal, the number of subway miles I've traversed, and I'm amazed at how much I packed into five paltry years.

So happy anniversary, NYC my darlingest dear, I've loved you since the day I met you and I love you still. I'll love you even more if I find an apartment in Brooklyn with a back yard and cheap rent, so let's get that happening.

Cheers to five years, my babies.

A bright spot

2009-06-26T20:59:00.004-04:00

They just put a new sign up above the store on my block that used to be some kind of gift shop.

So what's moving in? Eh?

The Obama Deli. Awesome.
It's not open yet, but you better believe I'll be in there when it is.

And I wonder...

2009-06-26T00:54:00.005-04:00

Who's loving you...?

I can't get that song out of my head.

Michael Jackson was the first person I can remember admiring that wasn't part of my own family, an outside entity that I wanted to learn about and listen to and watch and dance like. Everything he did was amazing, it was magic, and no one could ever imitate that. He was like the Beatles and Elvis and Marilyn Monroe for other people. He was mine. Jessica and I watched Moonwalker over and over on VHS, freaked out when he turned into a giant robot and wanted to be the kids that were friends with him and watch him dance to "Smooth Criminal" in a secret speakeasy. "Thriller" scared the crap out of me but I loved it and watched the making of special eleventy bajillion times. I can't even put into words how much of my childhood was influenced by Michael Jackson.

I was always fascinated by who he started out to be and who he became along the way. Some part of me always looked for the young Michael in his plastic face, and I think I believed that somehow he'd return to himself one day, like the new face would finally fall off and the adorable kid would be there again. I know he had big issues and psychological problems and frankly, ended up being a weirdo, but he was Michael Jackson and he changed the world.

I'm just really, really sad and if you want here's a gallery that I did at work today. So.

Well, this is nice.

2009-06-25T16:46:00.004-04:00

There was a flower delivery for someone in the office who is on vacation, resulting in the lovely-smelling bouquet landing on my desk. I've never had flowers actually sent to me, but these smell just as deeeelightful as if they were meant for me. Thanks, absent coworker!

WHAT UP THURSDAY?

More ginger-tinted posts coming soon. I have a plan, and it's awesome.

Yes, rain is wet in June, too.

2009-06-18T09:02:00.001-04:00

The only thing worse than constant rain is people constantly complaining about constant rain. Whining won’t bring the sun out, I promise.

That being said, if it's going to rain I'd like a thunderstorm to go along with it, please. And a waterproof bubble I can wear. And a boyfriend with a rainproof bubble. Or maybe a bubble made for two so we can hold hands.

Or I'd like to be on my couch like this lovely gal, pondering Better Than Ezra.

Aimless without m' bebes

2009-06-17T18:32:00.003-04:00

I know, I talk about my nieces like no one has ever had a niece. But they're in Siberia most of the time, whereas I am not, so their visit with brother Sean and Sveta was wonderful. I mean, look at this face and tell me you wouldn't love her little Lulu-ness unconditionally:

Here's the whole fam in my apartment, thanks to Jean for taking pictures when I was still shlumping home from work.

I'll see them all again in a few weeks in Milwaukee, so now I just have to figure out what to do with myself and alone time again, without Lulu trailing me and begging me to pick her up. Sigh.
Babies.

I guess it's back to looking for apartments, since our building was foreclosed upon, or is in the process of it at least, and I have to move yet again. Awesome, I know!

My Tuvan babies

2009-06-15T23:11:00.001-04:00

Lulu (Shonchalai) and Chochi (Chochogai) are here with brother Sean and sister-in-law Sveta alllll the way from Tuva by way of Boston. I'm happy, they're adorable and perfect, and Lulu loves me and fell asleep on me and I never want them to leave.

Babies are tiring though, sleepytimes.

Bad vs Good

2009-06-12T17:57:00.001-04:00

Dislikes today:

1. It's muggier than a mother-lovin' B out there.
2. Foreclosure on our apartment building -- WTF, landlord? Who does that? We're cutting and running, hopefully into the loving arms of another apartment in our lovely Brooklyn neighborhood.

Likes today:

1. It's Rickshaw Dumpling Truck day. I mowed down my edamame dumplings so fast they didn't know what bit them.
2. I have 18 pieces left still of the Terry's Chocolate Orange Oli brought me from England. I know they have them here but it's nicer to get it imported.
3. We saw a delightful apartment last night only three streets away from our current one, so fingers crossed the landlord will heart us hard and let us move in.

So, overall, more likes than dislikes. That's always nice. Happy weekend, sugar boogers.

Thunderstormses

2009-06-09T22:08:00.001-04:00

We had a really loud, wonderful thunderstorm in Brooklyn this morning. I'm sure it was in other parts of the city as well but it sounded like it was just right outside our apartment's windows. It woke me grumbling around 4 a.m. and wouldn't let me sleep until it had roared its cold-front-meets-warm-front little heart out. I fell asleep for a just little bit when it did but I had to wake up again, still early, for work.

Observations on thunderstorms are better than writing and rewriting and saving then erasing other blogs one might write when one experiences certain silly things. This summer is mine now, I'm taking control of it and I'm not going to let anyone make it weird. Ya heard?

I'm also considering another ginger project, even though I haven't been that up on my gingerviews (of which I still have plenty to post): 100 Gingers in 100 Days. This would involve me having to somehow take a picture or get some other evidence of a ginger other than myself, one a day, for 100 days. I don't know yet if I have the jubblies to complete this. Maybe other people should send me pictures of gingers and stories about them, even if they don't know them. Just send me something anyway, I like corresponding. I could just try to capture 100 gingers total. Decisions.

Ah yes, thunderstorms. So lovely in June.

A fine rosé to win your love

2009-06-03T08:17:00.001-04:00

Guess what, fair skin haters? Every time I'm embarrassed/clumsy/feel bad for lying (never!)/or am around a handsome man I deem attractive and can't handle talking to, I blush. I blush like you've never seen blushing before, not pretty or cute pinkness in the cheekies, but an all-out red rampage across my face that when I feel it happening, I feel silly and thus blush even more.

BUT! This makes you like me, so I win. It's true! A study by scientamists says so and then The New York Times wrote about it which makes it even truer because The Grey Lady don't lie:

"In a series of recent studies, psychologists have found that reddening cheeks soften others’ judgments of bad or clumsy behavior, and help to strengthen social bonds rather that strain them. If nothing else, the new findings should take some of the personal sting out of the facial fire shower when it inevitably hits."

Boo yah! Good news for gingers everywhere, as we are generally predisposed to these "facial fire showers." Sounds painful but hey, if it makes you love me, I can handle it (ed note: subtext here is obviously that I'm starved for love and am constantly seeking attention, a thought that makes me blush, obvs! Vicious, blushy cycle, y'all).

Oh gingery goodness

2009-05-27T23:04:00.006-04:00

I am a bad little gingerbloggin' daughter of a B, I know, you don't have to tell me. But my actual life has been getting in the way of me writing about life, you see. If things weren't going on with me I would have nothing to write about anyway.

Anyway, when it comes down to it, I've been busy saying goodbye to friends and coworkers and a combination therewith (here is where I am looking at Abby and my peeps who I don't work with anymore and who are going overseas) and then there have been birthdays and reunions and things involving my time being taken up not by doing this.

One such reunion consisted of my fellow travelers to China. They're all very good looking and we ate and yakkety yakked and had good times. Our crew was of the MoLi variety, otherwise known as Mobile Lifestyle. We don't like to sit still, as it happens, and spend our lives in a state of perpetual motion. It's very exciting.

Best part of the night? Going to Sundaes & Cones, where they have delicious, odd flavors of ice cream like wasabi, buttered corn, sesame and more. I, of course, in a sudden burst of devotion to this blog, went for the relatively normal ginger ice cream.

Here I am eating it and thinking of you:

"Mmm, tasty gingerness!"

I also traversed this great land we call America and went all the way past yonder mountains into the deep Midwest and landed upon Chicago with all the grace of woodland deer. Okay so yeah I went to Chicago and had a delightful visit with my BFF Lauren and college roommate Karin and high schoolian Ellie cousin Margaret and the handsome Mike. I tell you what, I want to smuggle an apartment from Chicago to NYC and also just pay Chicago rent. You win there, Windy City.

Some gingerlations are order as well, as my study abroad Galway roommate and her husband just had a baby. Know why they're special? Because they're both gingers and are now parents to a ginger. We should all be so lucky.

Confession

2009-05-17T20:33:00.003-04:00

I have a shameful thing to admit... I love King of the Hill. The subtlety of action and word, the divine, biting wit, the undercurrent of dark, complicit political intrigues, the manically spiraling prose, the beauty in its simple, unadorned poetry...

Ha just kidding, this show is just eh. I've never understood what anyone sees in KOTH or heard anyone talk about it the next day.

Anyway, happy Sunday.

Request

2009-05-12T02:32:00.003-04:00

Hey friends. I don't ask for much, but I need a hug. Next time you see me, squeeze me. Today has left me quite bereft. I can't discuss too much beyond that so get at me in real life. Health, family etc. quite fine though so Mom don't worry.